How I Learned To Accept My Changed Body

Many women dream to have an hourglass figure. With many magazines and ads portraying celebrities in their perfect form, it puts the standard of being fit at a very high level. Struggling with PCOS, I have always struggled with my weight. When I starved myself before, the lowest that I got on the scale was only 120 lbs. And I noticeably had a fuller waist, even if the other parts of me were thin.

I was only diagnosed with PCOS when I was in my early 20’s, and it somehow explained why my body seemed like an inflatable balloon. There were times when I was so bloated, and there were other times when I’d immediately have noticeable weight loss. Even before I got diagnosed, the weight fluctuations were huge. Right before having my period, I couldn’t fit into my usual jeans because I’d easily put on 10 lbs. And a week after my period, I’d slowly shed it off unintentionally.

But after my pregnancy, these weight fluctuations became so much worse. I now have to work hard on losing the pounds that I unconsciously gained while waiting for my period. When I easily lost the added weight before, I now have to work extra hard just to lose all the weight from being so bloated. When I see friends whom I haven’t seen for a while, they’d ask me if I was on steroids! It’s really that crazy.

Since I felt so out of control, I went into depression and I struggled with my very low self-esteem. Somehow I secretly envied pregnant women because they can flaunt their growing bellies, while I am so miserable with mine. But after feeling so sorry for myself, I decided to learn more about PCOS so that I can accept my changing physical appearance.

It took me around 2 years to accept this apple shaped figure. Since then, I no longer worry too much on whoever I end up bumping at the mall or at the grocery store because I have realized that despite my flaws, this is the body that carried my baby until almost term. And although I’d love to get back in shape, I have learned to accept that it may take longer for me to achieve my goal as compared to other women.

If you have PCOS and you are upset with how you look, never feel that you are alone. After I started to interact with other PCOS women, I have learned to admire their strength and their will to make the most out of life. These women taught me that despite our struggles, life is still beautiful even if it’s with PCOS!

One Response to “How I Learned To Accept My Changed Body”

1. Sunny says:

   October 5, 2009 at 8:28 pm

   Well stated Jane! And, so hard to do